Life couldn't be more craptastic. I'm waving in Halloween with fucking merciless bloating and a killer backache. Like I'm fucking going any goddamnwhere. I have a therapist appt in Garner on November 16 @ 6pm cuz that was the soonest appt closest to me. I need something stronger than zoloft but I'd need to go to a psychiatrist. Hopefully this psychologist can give me some crucial insight and ways to deal with shit, for the long term. God I hate life. I'd annihilate anything aside from my family and animals. Wish I could go to Mars like Dr. Manhattan.

 

College can suck my dick. Christ, it's awful. And I feel like I'm not going anywhere. That's the worst part, not just being stuck in this shithole doing nothing, listening to the drivel coming out of close to senile teachers. Community College makes me feel like a fucking lowlife and the people there make it a continuation of high school. The drama continues and it's fucking ridiculous. I didn't fucking enroll to star in a goddamn soap opera.

I respect religions and the people that follow them... except for Scientology... HOWEVER. I will not limit my freedom of speech in order to yield to sensitivity. If you don't like what I have to say, even if it's a fleeting remark or status, fucking hide me on your goddamn news feed or delete me as a friend. I also have no problem respecting people's wishes but at some point there's gotta be some give and take. Don't expect me to completely cater to your ears and eyes that do not like certain words or expressions. Yeah, I shouldn't curse as much but I definitely won't censor myself entirely for one person out of 270 on my friend's list. That's ridiculous, unreasonable, and impractical. Come off it. >.<

TIS NOT FUN HAVING A PANIC ATTACK, GODDAMNIT.

ALL OVER LOW BLOOD SUGAR SHIT.

I've been nauseous, dizzy, light headed, vision blurred, breathing fast and shallow, and heart beating fast.

NOT LIKING THIS.


It would help if I could cuddle with my mom and I don't give a fuck that I'm 19. Suck on it.

There's so much to say and I'm not sure where to start.

Congrats Bryn and Tom!!!!

I NEED manicotti from Venero's right NOW. Ricotta is the shit.

I wish I knew if I was leaning more towards physical or massage therapy. As I come across such horrific grammar, I also want to set the straight and write as well.

I am 19 and feel unaccomplished.

The only people interested in me are guys and they are mainly sex driven. I know I can't expect much more than that but there are a few guys that let me down in terms of my expectations.

I hate being categorized as a brainless teenage ditz because I fell in love with Twilight. I held off forever because I didn't want that but my curiosity overwhelmed me. I fell in love with the whole damn thing, not just the characters. Her writing style wasn't the best but whatever. Once the plot thickened enough I didn't notice all that much. It wasn't bad enough to make the pages unturnable. 

Btw, liking one thing, even if it is an entertainment phenomenon, doesn't make you a brainless conformist. Jumping to conclusions is always bad, unless you're acting on your gut instinct. So don't assume what character and personality someone has based on one criterion. I try not to because I know we all deserve not to be one big rash assumption write off.

BIO111, PED186, HEA110, HIS132,  MED122--my schedule
AKA: General Biology, Dancing for Fitness, Health and Fitness, American History 2, Medical Terminology 2.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Ok, so there are quite a few things to talk about.

 

1. My braces have been off since June 4th. My permanent retainer was also put on the bottom set at that same appt. On the 18th I'm getting my removable retainer for my upper teeth. I've had sensitive teeth that are in serious need of Sensodyne toothpaste ever since my braces were removed. I don't know why but I know that is a certain correlation.

 

2. My sister is coming home after two years of living in California. I didn't know how my life would feel incomplete without her when she left and I'm way too antsy awaiting her arrival. There were way too many moments I didn't get to enjoy with her, that I thought "Oh, Toria should be here". Yeah, I'll have someone who's gonna act like the big brother and annoy me senselessly at times but that's better than not sharing frequent random silly moments.

 

But I tell ya... I'm gonna have to end my occasional 1.5-2hr night caps on the porch with Chase lol. She watches out for me BUT sometimes I just need to makeout with a friend. I have built up energy but can't find a suitable relationship. As long as I'm not recklessly dtf (down to fuck) with multiple partners, I don't think what I'm doing is that bad. So far, the only negative side of that is feelings might come along that are seriously unwanted, on either side.. but I doubt it, sort of.

 

3. My grandma keeps lecturing me about how I dress. It's not anything that draws much unwanted attention. I don't stand out. I get hit on just like the rest of the people with boobs, legs, and a vag. I don't think not so full/round B's are going to warrant enough cleavage for low-cut shirts or dresses to be a problem but apparently she does. I know how to handle myself and it's not like I have a mother. After all, she is right there but it's like my grandma thinks she's invisible and she should take control of the situation. Idk, it drives me nuts. Thankfully she doesn't go on her Catholicism/ Catechizing rants anymore but I'll be damned if she doesn't nit-pick bout little things and it's not her place.... Dad resents that.... If nothing else, even when I'm wrong and he is talking with me about it, he is on my side. It's a comfort. My daddy is always in my corner. He sees both sides of a situation thankfully; that keeps me grounded. When I'm wrong, he calmly and nicely talks WITH me about it and doesn't ATTACK me.

 

4. In 4 months, it will be two years that I will have been vegetarian. Thanks, Cormac. That initial "Meat is Murder" comment while I was at dad's computer eating Arby's chicken strips helped... aaaand those PETA videos sent me over the edge. Hopefully, one day, I'll be able to find a husband or wife that is vegetarian too.

 

5. I'm getting 3 tattoos within the next week and my nose repierced. I won't get into specifics so it'll be fresh when pics come along.

 

6. Goin to Indiana in early July.